Christmas Brandâ„¢

Hey Amigos! It’s been a long time since I rapped at you. Ok, whatever. So I just stole that from The Onionâ„¢. Sue me. Everyone plagiarizes. Watch The Simpsonsâ„¢.

Anyways, it has been retail madness for the last week, and frankly, I’m sick of it. People take a little time to breathe. In and out. Exhale. There are plenty of the Cabbage Patch Gigglesâ„¢ dolls to be had. We have cartons of twelve in the stockroom. We have more coming in shipments, three times a week. Breathe. Yes, it might be possible to get the hair color of your child. Maybe even the eye color and a “born on” date that is close to your darling daughter, but you’re going to have to step off from me. Check it. “Step off”, totally stolen from Seinfeldâ„¢. Yes, we will have more DVD players, more copies of Madonna’s new CD, more Nanosâ„¢, more everything. Just take it easy. Xbox 360â„¢? I dunno. You’re on your own on that little hot item.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Christmas. Birth of Christ. Good guy. Son of God? Who knows, but Jesus was a good man. He was a carpenter. Built things and made people’s lives better. Building homes, roofs, cabinets. What’s not to like about a carpenter?

I’m not even against the whole big box shallow kill your television consumer frenzy. Fine, protest the brainless holiday consumerism buy making a soup bowl out of twigs. Or go ahead and buy. People buy gifts to say, “Hey, I totally thought about you and how much I love you and happy you’re in my life” when they pick out that maple tv dinner tray and table set for you. You will know this when you look into their hopeful eyes as the word “convenient” appears underneath the torn wrapping paper. Christmas is about love regardless of what the holy rollers and anti-materialists say(oooh, i dunno what else to call them).

So go ahead, celebrate the birth of JC with a new Melitaâ„¢ single cup coffe maker. It’s coffee haus fresh, and Jesus would want it that way. It’s his party.

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5 thoughts on “Christmas Brandâ„¢”

  1. Are you sure Jesus’ definition of carpenter is the same as the modern day definition of carpenter? And as I heard one day–“Target likes to present itself as the progressive alternative (with its cute little Choxie commercials) to Wal-Mart, but its politics are as red as its bullseye.”
    This Christmas, feel free to make a soup bowl out of twigs (guess what you’re getting for Christmas, Ted!) Is Jesus a Home Depot shopper or would he go out and harvest his own wood?
    Have a care in where you purchase those items that (supposedly) show thoughtful consideration for your loved one…Jesus would definitely want it that way.

  2. Haha. Chocolate with moxie! I #%$#$** hate those commercials, but it is surprisingly good chocolate.

    Dude. They didn’t have Home Depotâ„¢ during JC’s time. Also, I don’t think Jesus listened to Air Americaâ„¢. Too busy building homes.

    I’m so stoked to get that soup bowl! 🙂

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