The Bachelor is a reality television show that pits a bunch of women against each other for a shot at true love and possibly marriage with The Bachelor. He’s successful, handsome and looking for love.
C_ likes to watch it after a long day of work. She’s not a fan of the show by any means – it’s just something to watch. C_ carries a zen-like demeanor while she watches the program unfold. She neither judges or derides the contestants. If she has an opinion about a contestant or The Bachelor I won’t know about it unless I ask her directly. I, on the other hand, caterwaul in misery at each affirmation of gooey love for The Bachelor.
Statements like, “I think this is the REAL thing” or “I feel like I haven’t had enough one-on-one time with him” make me cringe. It’s too much to bear. How can any of these seemingly sophisticated women say these words without a snort and a giggle? How can The Bachelor listen to them without giving a wink to each one as if to say, “I’ll meet you all at the bar after this shoot is wrapped up.”
I call to the ceiling, “Don’t they REALIZE they’re on national television?”
The final straw was when The Bachelor said to a faltering contestant, “Just have confidence in yourself!” I called out again, “OH GOD!” C_ asked me to keep it down.
During the break (thank you sweet merciful God) I thought about the show a little more. Who am I to judge? Gooey romance is nothing new in pop culture so why am I flipping out? The Bachelor is a self-made man. Completely successful at everything in life except for love. Or at least that is what the producers would like you to think, either way it is irrelevant.
I decided to try out some of my own “day to day lines” as if I were The Bachelor calling upon my flock of hopefuls. How would a national audience react?
“I can’t believe the television hit me in the head!”
“I cut my hair and I think I need you to fix it.”
“I’m going to the liquor store. Want anything?”
“I don’t want to go to work today. I don’t want to do anything. I just want to stay home and sit on the couch.”
“There’s a snake in my boot!”
I’m sure the nation would cower on their couch, call out to the ceiling, begging the lord to please make him stop.
4 thoughts on “Regarding The Bachelor”
Where is the little star so I can fave this lovely bit of comedy writing??
You make me laugh out loud!
You are a brilliant writer, Ted…
That means a lot to me. Seriously.