Shortly after my eyes open in the early morning the phrase, “Wanna watch the sponge?” isn’t too far behind. In my neck of the woods SB is on channel 42. Nickelodeon being the carrier, host, etc… All hope of watching any sort of news (current affairs, Charlie Sheen, weather related, apocalypse) are quickly absorbed by The Sponge. It’s OK. Just get ready to sit and sit and sit. I mean, it’s not like you’re welded to the seat and have lost all free will. Well maybe.
Pro-tip: I’d have a distraction handy. Like a laptop or an iPod with Angry Birds loaded on it, or maybe, like, a book of quadratic equations. It’s not that SpongeBob is bad it’s just that there’s a lot of it. SpongeBob generally runs in 4 hour blocks. I do some of my best anything while SpongeBob prattles on (endlessly) in the background. There is a chance however you just might tune in and watch it.
Start out skeptical:
I mean, why wouldn’t you? It’s a show about a sponge. Be skeptical. No one will hold it against you. It’s natural. Go back to the real world. Get coffee. Take a bath. Inception is a distant probability at this point. SpongeBob isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. iCarly doesn’t start until 4pm.
Go and be free.
Next, anger. You’ve been duped. You thought you were above it, but you’re back and only because of one thing. Your kid loves it so damn much it would simply crush him not to have channel 42 permanently programmed into your remote. I took it one step further and wrote a program that automatically turns the television to 42 between the following time periods: M-F, 6a to 8a, 4:30p to 6:30p and Sat-Sun, 7a to – 4p. Haha. Just kidding. But this is me being pissed off about the sponge.
Frightening right? Actually I never got to this stage. I’ve always liked SpongeBob. Truly and honestly.
Anyway, go back to being skeptical. (See first image, above). It’s best to just punt at this point.
At this point you’ll notice a sharp pain in your back. I notice that a lot of times I’ll hold the exact same position watching SB for hours on end. I don’t even notice until c_ asks me why I’m hunched over, grimacing in pain.
At this point, drugs, like a boss.
So really. Watch the Spongebob properly. With a loved one. It makes it completely and totally worth it. Without? You’re cracked. Inception has been achieved.
Aw yeah. VIVA LIFE!