tedfoo

Why would you do that?

Normally I hit the skatepark for a half hour during the weekday on my lunch break. It’s a nice diversion. I mess around and generally keep to myself. I know most of the locals but once in awhile a new guy shows up.  And by meeting someone it’s along the lines of  ”Where are you from? Oh, that’s cool. How do you get over that euro gap so easily?”

Over the weekend me, Chris L., Rhen and Christi went over to Silver Lake skate park to mix shit up with the groms and locals. I don’t have a deep bag of tricks but Chris can reach into 20 some plus years of skating and pull out tricks that one youngster described as, “180 heel flip up that? Now that’s just crazy. It’s not like you’re on the flat or anything.”

The whole afternoon was general shenangians. There were layback bert slides, a tre flip over the euro gap, sitting down skateboarding races with 6 year old kids and the spiritual implications of skating switch stance (Why would you do that? It’s not right. God does not approve.)

Toward the end of the session Chris and I were sitting on the sidelines resting and planning on packing it up and heading over to the park where Rhen and C_ had relocated. We reflected upon the afternoon. There was Chris’ midlife crisis by the hubba ledges where we continued to ask the question “What is the point?” before each trick that could possibly involve a trip to the emergency room and a cast. There was the teenage girl who evenhandedly insulted me and complimented me in one fell swoop, “The reason why you can’t do it is because you’re old but you’re still a really good skater!”

Like I said, harmless shenanigans (like the dream I had about filling up the Amish’s water jugs) but it all led up to the meeting with the man we refer to as “Tweaker Dude”. Chris says there’s one at every park. A half decent skater filled to gills with meth or speed or whatever you can smoke in tinfoil. Imagine someone speaking with a loud gravely monotone voice the entire time. No nuance. No Pat Sajack smugly completing the puzzle for the confused contestants.

So we’re sitting there, minding our business when Tweaker Dude rolls on. He’s carrying a twelver of Sprite. “DOES ANYONE WANT A SPRITE? I HAVE A SPRITE.”  Chris takes one from him but I decline on the basis that I’d feel like I would owe him something and I’m already getting a bad vibe. I timidly reach for the cooler my wife has lovingly packed for me and pull out a diet Mountain Dew.

“IS THAT A BEER? I’D LOVE TO HAVE A BEER. DIET MOUNTAIN DEW? THAT’S LAME.”  I regret not packing my one can of Four Loko I have chilling in the fridge.

At this point he furiously pushes three hard pumps towards the quarter pipe, five-o’s and reverts out, jumps off his board and begins chewing on the metal coping. GNAR GNAR GNAR GNAR.

It’s a short hallucination and by the time I check back into reality he’s trying to fakie 180 heel flip on the pyramid in front of us. He misses but has enough momentum to kick the board as hard he can toward a bunch of skaters and BMXers. He snaps up his board and proceeds to tells us that his girlfriend is sitting behind us. I turn around to see a lithe fawn-eyed girl with her nose pierced. She meekly smiles back and I assume she’s his drug dealer. Working on the weekends always sucks.

He reads my Lowcard hat and tells me that “we” were just talking about cards. I nervously laugh and answer that cards are fun to talk about. Tweaker Dude asks us where we are from. Chris responds “Winona. We’re Winona dudes.”  Tweaker Dude is unimpressed and yells, “NO WAY. I’VE BEEN TO WINONA A HUNDRED TIMES AND I’VE NEVER SEEN EITHER ONE OF YOU. SO YOU GUYS LIKE TO COME OVER TO ROCHESTER AND SKATE?” Chris calmly answers, “only when God let’s us”. At his point I can only put my head down and silently roll with laughter. It’s too late for us. Tweaker Dude asks if we’re religious or some shit. I  answer that only when it comes to skating switch because it’s the devil’s work. He’s not in the mood for our shit and proceeds to molest an innocent BMXer making his way to the quarter (I PROMISE I WON’T HIT YOU) The last I see Tweaker Dude he’s sprinting like a hungered wolf on all fours across the soccer fields after a gaggle of Canadian Geese. It’s not unexpected. I sigh a breath of relief.

We have lunch at Chipotle’s and make up more stories of Tweaker Dude. I feel bad for the guy. Shit, like Chris said, there’s one at every park. I don’t think he was intentionally an asshole. Just high. The moral of the story and everything. We made a few skate videos but not worth posting on a blog. One make and two misses on the quarter that Tweaker Dude chewed on. It was a beautiful day and I was not in the mood to capture a day on film when shenanigans, tre-flips over the euro gap and the Tweaker Dude are more than enough.