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Although we are having significantly better weather from the past couple of days, Rhen and I haven’t ventured out much, in fact, not at all. Not to even use his wonderful blue teddybear swing donated from C’s sister. Fact is, I’m sick of summer and all of its cheery sunsoaked fun. I jones for blue jeans and sweaters. Cool mild weather. Outerwear hangs neglected in my closet. I’m dying to put on a right smart looking stocking cap and fingerless gloves to project my inner hipster upon this dusty faded small town. Right now though, I settle for Target shorts and some crappy stretched out faded t shirt from the Gap. Blah. Flip flops- barf. I’m constantly glistening. It got so bad yesterday I decided to give myself a skinner. So, now I’m running around with ill fitting clothing and a general issue hairdo trying to get Rhen to poop. I feel and look like a complete jackass. Thank you summer. Thank you kindly.

Coonhound gazes out at the hot and humid wasteland of our neighborhood.

Rhen appears committed to making our day–trying. The Triangle of Tranquility is way beyond our reach, so I’m just watching him play in his world famous ExerSaucer, waiting for the first wave of fussiness. I put him in camouflage to mark the occasion.

In other news today, local shithole instituition burns to the ground. I’m sure this place has put many Winonans in early graves. So bad the outside of the building smelled like a blocked artery. Known for its Friday night fish fry, goatherders county-wide came for its batter-fried Cod.

“uh, this is the internet. If “it was somehow shown that Target was lying,” no one would give a shit. We would all still need paper towels and votive candles.” Readers of MNspeak weigh in on the growing controversy.

I must be overblown on the whole nuturing thing. Earlier today, I turned to Owen (our Coonhound) and said, “You’re a good boy, Coony (his nickname). I love you.” He looked at me like, “Uh, that was way too much. I respect you and feel loyalty to you because you’re an Alpha in my pack matrix, and I would l totally throw down for you, but other than that, I dunno, that was just weird. A little too much. Now, I’m gonna run back and forth between the windows and hunt people. Stay out of my way and I’ll stay off the couch.”

Rhen spends a fair amount of time in his famous Exersaucer. I like it because I can pile his toys around him, keeping him well within the Triangle of Tranquility. Look at this picture (you can click on it for a larger image). This is “active learning”. He chucked that red square in front of him like three feet. Very quietly too. Enough with red (it’s red, trust me). Bring me blue.

Last night I confessed to C. that I was going through a slightly embarrassing adolescent love of Communism. At least the Hollywood version of it. I’m sure this is all because of watching “Enemy at the Gates last week. C’mon the love scene with Jude Law and Rachel Weisz? Hot underground love amongst comrades–racy. Rachel had this weird thing going on with her mouth, if I were the director I would of did the scene over again and asked Rachel for less “dying fish”. Anyways, each day I imagine heading off to work for the state with my brothers and sisters, extolling the virtues of our fearless leader during our early 15 minutes state sponsored “spirit break”. I think of how dashing we would all look dressed the same, each of us judged on our merit, performance and cheek bones. Each of us with our own role to play in the welfare of the state as our economy tanks and life becomes only slightly bearable through late night fueling of hard liquor and songs of the Motherland. At lunch we would go to an assembly to hear endless propaganda over the loud speaker, returning to work, rejuvenated that we were surely winning and that soon, everyone would be wearing red and khaki, accessorized with blissful smiles.

Rhen and I went walking this morning and noticed with some sadness that the “Target” was flipped upside down and propped up against a garage. I guess target practice is over and the season is about to start. Maybe he/she had to mow the lawn (not that there is any lawn to mow, unless you water at least six hours a day). Still, I thought they could’ve been a bit more tidy about it, but that’s just me. It’s also weird how Rhen and I always end up on the same course when we try to take random walks. Same street. Same distance tread. Maybe tomorrow I’ll head more north, but it’s difficult because the river pretty much stops that direction. I’m not sure about taking the Interstate Bridge considering I don’t do so well with heights anymore. I’ve looked underneath the brdige a few times just to reassure myself that the sidewalk isn’t going to plunge into the Mississippi, but it’s a whole different story when you’re up there and a semi truck blows by and the entire bridge bounces. I might of liked it when I was younger but now it just makes more gray hair for me. Plus, I would look like a total idiot walking my kid up there. A lot of exhaust, noise and Wisconsinites.

The rest of the day was typical Rhen stuff. I work to keep him in the Triangle of Tranquility. Rest, nutrition, and active learning. If I keep him in that state of mind the day is a cinch. Right now he’s heading towards a Cone of Chaos. Better go.