Chistmas is still fun

Christmas, what a blast. The eating and the extended merriment. Uncontrollable. Tonight I return to work, which by all means, will suck ass. I have no doubt in my mind that by six tonight, I will be thinking of how work is like sucking an ass. A perfectly apt description, someone is enjoying it, but it certainly won’t be me.

Hmmm, this post has taken a nasty turn. Let me think on the joys experienced over the holidays. Oh yeah, I had a lot of fun playing with my niece and nephew at my wife’s family Christmas party. Hannah and Drew crawled on my back, pulled my hair a little and called me a monkey. I was totally powerless to defend myself until I was given the power of parental privilege from their parents to lay the smack down whenever necessary. How quickly the tables were turned on them! I quickly turned them into my little slave drones and sent them out on search and destroy missions. Also, Hannah and I played the “seeing” game. It’s pretty simple, we sit together and just watch people and ask each other what we see. At one point, I told her that I see dead people, which was a pretty funny joke between us, and by the end of the night I had her telling her mom, and other relatives that she sees dead people and that she possessed the “sixth sense”. Kids are so much fun.

Other than that–to everyone who reads this and sent me gifts, thank you! I liked them all! How to end this post? I’ll opt for the SNL NPR parody line, “Good times…”.

It snowed today

Today I had to leave work because I was sick, like really had to leave because it could happen any minute sick. Once I knew I had passed the invisible line of “I’m okay” and “I’m not okay”, not knowing which end would tell the story, I started to make for the exit, telling a co-worker that I was going home sick and I felt I was going to throw up.

I live in a small town but traffic is still annoying at lunch. Nothing terrible, but 5 minutes too long for the size of the town. I saw some emergency lights up ahead on my street and decided to take the back route. I shaved off a precious minute. I was just in time to get me in the door, take off my pants(it felt like the right thing to do), make it up to the bathroom and assumed the classic puking position.

The first hurl was brief and controlled. Sort of a warm up. Stretching the muscles. The second and third eruptions were full on projectile hurling. Nose and mouth. I collapsed next to the toilet after I was done, feeling one hundred percent better, and sobbing a little. My wife asked if I was feeling ‘better’ and I nodded and said that I was little in the big scheme of things. I picked myself up and walked down the stairs with my wife. I came off the last step to the first landing, slipped and fell on my ass. That is when Christi asked why I didn’t have pants on.

The rest of the day was spent in my bed with my two dogs snuggled up against me while I ran a low grade fever. I thought of the different things I might of ate/drank that would of made me so ill and came up with the stale two day old coffee grounds I brewed this morning (Christi suggested that there might have been mold in the grounds) or quite possible, the stomach flu. It’s been going around.

I’m king of the world!

Brits agree that Leo D’s joyous proclamation, “I’m king of the world!” is the cheesiest movie line ever– followed closely by Patrick Swazey’s, “Nobody puts Baby in the corner” from Dirty Dancing. Read more cheesy movie lines here.

Addition 12/8 – I’m including my favorite all time cheesy movie line. Bill Paxton’s “Welcome to the highest party in the world”, from the movie, Vertical Limit. Don’t get me wrong. Paxton is one of my favorite actors. Totally underrated. He’s overdue for an academy award.